Basedreams.com August 2009 Newsletter

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Newsletter for Base Dreams August 2009

August 09

G'day all you toot'n fruit'n gun slingers out there,

This was meant to be the ultimate newsletter where I tell you how much fun I’ve been having around the globe, doing crazy shit unimaginable to most human beings. Getting treated like a rock star, being showered with free drugs, gorgeous women and collecting a good pay check for living the dream. Well I’m going to leave those types of newsletters to the PD team and the Red Bull boys, because over the last 8 months, I have done……wait for it………FUCK ALL!!!

A simple six-week collarbone injury turned into an epic nightmare as I was confronted with a whole medical team of complete fucking numpties that call themselves the UK medical system. I think they were the same people that tried to fix up Michael Jackson’s face. Fucking muppets. I did manage to get a base jump in on Xmas eve from our local Scottish antenna only to be chased into the forest at dusk, which felt like the Blair Witch Project. Two days later the collarbone broke again, 6 minutes into a one-hour wind tunnel session.

Xmas day was epic though with seven grams of Gak, 4 bottles of heavy liquor, Viagra, porn, one hot girlfriend and the ashes of Coombesy and Base Dog. It was all time. We still made room for a lamb roast and washed it down by snorting my first dog. They don’t burn them as well as humans that’s for sure!

Whilst wallowing in my own misery and depression I learnt a valuable lesson, which I should have shared with Heath Ledger… Don’t mix alcohol, painkillers and sleeping pills. I woke up, dick in hand on the bathroom floor after passing out whilst taking a piss and cracked my head open on the dunny bowl. Not a good look and definitely could’ve been a nomination for the Darwin Awards.

I got sick of the bullshit in Scotland so I flew home to Oz and within four days I was the proud new owner of 6 pins and a plate thanks to my legendary surgeon Dr. Duckworth. Thanks buddy! I was in less pain after the operation than before it but I still took the painkillers, but only for fun. I asked for a photo of the operation but was rewarded with a full on video instead. Check it out if you have a strong stomach: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--Zjxpnowv4

The coolest part was pretending to be a prisoner on death row. When I got my needles to put me to sleep, I treated it as an execution. It was pretty intense and the dude that puts you to sleep wasn’t too impressed when I told him. Thanks Theo!

cont'd top right..

After a few weeks of recovery at Robyn and Fred Dodd’s house (thank heaps guys) I was good to run amuck again, baby steps though. I started with chick push-ups and trying to open jars of spaghetti sauce and I took it from there. I had a cool camping trip up the Victorian High Country with my Dad, cousins and friends, drinking and eating way too much. Eventually I was fit enough to surf and BASE jump again and lost no time getting back into it all full throttle as well as some full on partying. Note to self….. Don’t take acid one day before you fly out to Scotland. I wonder if I will ever learn that lesson.

It was back to the land of kilts and haggis as I did another brain tearing ultrasonics course for the offshore industry. I eventually passed just the same way as I got through school. Cheat….would I cheat to get ahead……of course not!!!

Jackie and I managed to get a weekend away to find the Loch Ness Monster and check out the Isle of Skye on the west coast of Scotland but as usual it turned into an epic mission as the motor in our car blew up about as far away from home as you can get. We still had fun although I am over cars now!!!

There are no big cliffs in Scotland but there are a shit load of hills and heaps of wind to open up the country to my newfound passion of speed flying. There is a whole crew of us ripping it up now and it’s more fun than rooting a Down syndrome midget pole dancer. Check out http://www.flyozone.com/speed/en/ to see what these things can do. My Bullet 12m is the bomb.

So I got my job back in Africa now and am enjoying getting paid again for the first time since last October, admiring the ocean views and the massive whales that keep cruising past under these African skies ...whilst doing a little work in between.

After this it’s off to try and kill myself in a wingsuit in Norway for a month before heading to the USA in October for some low jumping.

The book is coming…Yes, it’s nearly done but the more I read it the shittier it sounds so if you have any hint of intelligence, don’t read it. But if you left school under the age of 14 some parts might make sense.

Enough yabba blabber from me. I hope you are all having a shit tonne of fun and are just slightly regretting some of the more silly things you have done of late…which means they were perfect!

Hugs and drugs

Beer and love

Douggs (:<